Sunday, September 21, 2008

Advertising, Forehead Butt, and Me by Kat Magendie

I was watching television (a completely mindless but necessary to my sanity condition I allow myself only on certain times of the evening) when I suddenly felt Not Young. For example, the twenty-something woman as representative for a wrinkle cream; I mean really! Wait until she has my forehead butt and then she can tout the “erase the hands of time” lotions (more like claws of time, or shovels of time...). And if you are wondering what a forehead butt is, just take a gander at the photo to the right. There, right between my eyes: Forehead Butt! You can thank my brother Johnny for naming my deep worry wrinkle set there by time and circumstance and deep deep thoughts, like this deep thought post I’m writing (ahem).

Then there’s the feminine product commercials. I never thought I’d be wistful about those ugly little tubes full of cotton attached to cotton string, when upon “wearing” said contraption, one feels like some strange "pull the string" talking doll, complete with Three Delightful Sayings: “Leave! Me! Alone!” “GO AWAY!” and the one that makes the doll's brows meet in the middle and the mouth straighten into a thin dangerous line, “What do you mean is it my time of the month?” Yet, I want to shout to the screen, “Enjoy it while you got it, sister!” But then again, it’s really nice not to have to worry about PMS: Pissed Manic Screamer, and etcetera.

Even the “older people” on television commercials aren’t allowed to get old. There’s things to inflate you, things to unwrinkle you, things to make you soft, things to make you hard, things to give you hair and things to take away hair, there’s vitamins and tonics and lotions and pills and needles full of stuff that used to be bad for you but somehow makes your face immovable and, um, "perfect"—so you don’t get the forehead butt, *sigh*



Despite Clueless Advertising, I feel incredibly grateful for my health and well-being. I’m even grateful for television—how else would I sit drooling on my couch with glazed-over eyes, stuffing microwave popcorn down my gullet, waiting for the next image to entertain me? Now, if I could just get rid of this forehead butt…I wonder if eating lots of chocolate and drinking a vodka tonic will do? That'll gratitude me for sure!

7 comments:

Angie Ledbetter said...

This may be my favorite Kathryn YOG post of all times. LOL...."claws of time," indeed! L.O.L.

Kathryn Magendie said...

heeheehee *grin*

Barbara Quinn said...

Ohmigod.."forehead butt" ...what a perfect way to describe that line. Mine is more of a family tree at this point. If you want to relax that line "Frownies" do work some. But I prefer just taking off my contac lenses so it recedes, and pouring another glass of red wine. There's a reason our sight fails as we age. Loved this and the pics!

Kathryn Magendie said...

Frownies! I've heard of those...but, I like the taking off the contacts and having a drink solution much better, too ...teehee

Doc said...

Kathryn,

You should be grateful for your forehead butt! It is a fair indication that you have a forehead rather than a horizontal set of step-farming wrinkles as do I. Further, you probably have an observable chin. I don't know if I do any longer or not as nobody has seen my complete face in over 42 years. Finally, since the oral surgery, I can gurn but I tend to stab myself with the surgical steel implants. I don't do that very often now.

Kathryn Magendie said...

Doc, leave it to you to make me laugh AND to make me love my forehead butt *laughing*

Patresa Hartman said...

oh, sweet mary. forehead butt. pull the string dolls. puff up your wrinkles. awesome. and the photos are hilarious. i am grateful for the smile this entry brings me. :)

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