Inside a Rose by Kat Magendie

I walked The Rose Walk along Lake Junaluska, even though most of the roses are not doing so well right now. We had a surprise snow a week before, and a few gentle frosts, and then back to springlike weather. I glanced at the roses here and there, noting their bowed heads and browned tips. Then, this one rose caught my eye. It was browned at the edge, yes, but not bowing its head in defeat, and I caught a glimpse of the inside of a petal—the petal was soft, dewy, and bright glowy red. I took my camera from my jacket pocket and snapped a photo. That rose was the perfect metaphor. For although as we age or go through tough times, we may become a little brown around our edges, a little worse for wear, our insides are full and ripe and dewy and beautifully soft and young.

I smiled as I walked away from the rose. Quickened my step. Felt as if I’d found out some secret that really isn’t a secret at all. I walked tall and straight and proud, head up, eyes forward.

One of the great things about my generation of women is that “Older Women” are no longer considered headed out to pasture—look at the female actors who are over forty and still tearing up the screen (oh, not as much as we’d like, for youth is still revered), and women who defy their age and circumstance by doing the things they’ve always dreamed of doing but were unable to because of lack of confidence. Our confidence levels rise with our age, and with experiences. It’s an incredible time in our lives. I think back to when I was younger and how I cringed at the idea of getting older, and now I see the beautiful part of it, the freeing part, the I feel damn strong and damn proud part.

There are, however, times when I fear time is moving too fast and I may not have as many years in front of me as I had behind me, but that only makes me work harder towards the things I want to accomplish before I leave. And, there are fewer things holding me back now than there were then: including my own self.

If, like that rose’s inside petal, all we women (no matter our age or circumstance) could turn inside out, we’d all look the same—beautiful and complex, pulsing with life. That’s my gratitude thought for today.

That Word...by Kat Magendie

“I have scarcely touched the sky and I am made of it.” ~ Antonio Porchia

At first, I didn't want anyone to know it happened. I'd dreaded...ominous piano music…that word. That word had connotations, misconceptions, and email-sent jokes about women losing their femininity, their sexual aura, their beauty, their soft all turned to hard, their smooth all turned wrinkley. The idea behind that word is the reason I feared…drum roll please…Menopause. As I headed into my forties, I nervously listened to the stories, the jokes, the derisive comments. I didn’t want to turn into some wrinkled hag who screamed at everyone and turned my back on my husband night after night after cold-sweated night. In my late forties, I realized I was reaching menopause earlier than I expected—wasn’t I supposed to be going through “The Change” in my late fifties? No. No. No. Yes.

Last year, on my fiftieth birthday, I stood among friends with cake and laughter and celebration of my Milestone Birthday. Full into my menopause, and well, I didn’t care. For, instead of menopause turning me into a snarling razor-toothed fiery breathing slit-tongued a-sexual beast, I became the woman I was Meant to Be—clichéd as that sounds. The women I’d admired, who spoke their mind, eyes blazing truths, back straight, power in their step, confident, strong—that is me. I am that woman. Somehow, the hormonal swing swung in my favor. I am no longer a slave to my emotions. And even better, I am no longer a slave to approval seeking. I feel wonderful—inside and out. Better than I have in years, maybe ever. Hot Damn.

To those of you nearing menopause, or to those of you who have years to come before your Change!, I say to you: Embrace it. Learn. Live. Explore and Discover. Yes, there will be hot flashes, yes, there will be body changes; but, I gladly trade these for the newfound dignity and strength and confidence that have ripped through me like fire through ice, melting away inhibitions, fear, and timidity for what is to come next. And, just as wonderful, I don’t look backward as often—it’s all about taking the next step and the next, not over examining, but appreciating--having Gratitude. I feel my power now more than I have at any time in my life—mind-power, sexual-power, intellectual-power…soaring music here…POW(oman)ER!