That Word...by Kat Magendie

“I have scarcely touched the sky and I am made of it.” ~ Antonio Porchia

At first, I didn't want anyone to know it happened. I'd dreaded...ominous piano music…that word. That word had connotations, misconceptions, and email-sent jokes about women losing their femininity, their sexual aura, their beauty, their soft all turned to hard, their smooth all turned wrinkley. The idea behind that word is the reason I feared…drum roll please…Menopause. As I headed into my forties, I nervously listened to the stories, the jokes, the derisive comments. I didn’t want to turn into some wrinkled hag who screamed at everyone and turned my back on my husband night after night after cold-sweated night. In my late forties, I realized I was reaching menopause earlier than I expected—wasn’t I supposed to be going through “The Change” in my late fifties? No. No. No. Yes.

Last year, on my fiftieth birthday, I stood among friends with cake and laughter and celebration of my Milestone Birthday. Full into my menopause, and well, I didn’t care. For, instead of menopause turning me into a snarling razor-toothed fiery breathing slit-tongued a-sexual beast, I became the woman I was Meant to Be—clichéd as that sounds. The women I’d admired, who spoke their mind, eyes blazing truths, back straight, power in their step, confident, strong—that is me. I am that woman. Somehow, the hormonal swing swung in my favor. I am no longer a slave to my emotions. And even better, I am no longer a slave to approval seeking. I feel wonderful—inside and out. Better than I have in years, maybe ever. Hot Damn.

To those of you nearing menopause, or to those of you who have years to come before your Change!, I say to you: Embrace it. Learn. Live. Explore and Discover. Yes, there will be hot flashes, yes, there will be body changes; but, I gladly trade these for the newfound dignity and strength and confidence that have ripped through me like fire through ice, melting away inhibitions, fear, and timidity for what is to come next. And, just as wonderful, I don’t look backward as often—it’s all about taking the next step and the next, not over examining, but appreciating--having Gratitude. I feel my power now more than I have at any time in my life—mind-power, sexual-power, intellectual-power…soaring music here…POW(oman)ER!